chispa tu madre
dating in the new digital age is difficult. there are so many rules, and mind games, that it makes it difficult to really enjoy and explore without risking to be left vulnerable. i think that dating in general will leave you vulnerable but its something about having to suppress your character to comply with these silly mind games thats something else. sprinkle in that most men these days have been convinced that women should be doing the chasing and that significantly lowers the enjoyment in dating.
i just finished a month long dating endeavor with a grown man, and i say grown because for the first time ever there was such clear communication and it felt really good. but like most things in my life, life gets in the way and who am i to sit around and beg to be prioritized? regardless, the idea of having to start over and meet someone again is sooo exhausting.
i decided that i will no longer be engaging with the dating apps. the love of my life isn't swiping left or right on women, he's probably somewhere being a nerd doing something nerdy while im over here writing like im trynna be the next jane austin or something. but that brings the question, where will i find him? being raised as a jehovahs witness, my social circle was limited to the congregation. and after stepping back, i realized that i had to start from scratch and find my people. but i still miss out on the traditional gatherings, the baby showers, graduations, the parties that would curate an environment where i could meet someone organically. in my early 20s, i enjoyed my youth by traveling and working. dating was not a priority for me (something that i was very firm on) but always had cute, short thrills. (not necessarily flings) on top of that, i had many goals that i was working towards so i didnt want to bother anyone that was serious about dating.
but in this season of my life, where im starting over, i find that there isnt a lot of places that i go to where i could meet someone of value. because am i really going to meet the love of my life on fuego night at billys? be so serious rn. i was always so work and school oriented that i never really went out to social gatherings up until recently and now i see that i wouldnt want a partner from this social setting anyways.
these days, i enjoy engaging with my community and attending festivals. but even then, the men at those events rarely muster the courage to approach someone. they will stare all night at you, but what am i supposed to do with that? so, here i am. confused and a little disappointed. i once had a fortune teller tell me i would find him in a political related event. whether it be at a rally or organizing event, who knows. but i feel like that makes sense considering i value activism.
🎵: I Wish You Roses x Kali Uchis