building the path while walking it
i am a 20-something year old 1st generation mexican american proud daughter of immigrants that is the oldest of three. i was the example not only for my family, but my community. and for many years, i wore that identity proud. everything i did was defined by that identity. but somewhere along the way, i lost vision of who i was, and who i wanted to be. i found myself using this identity as a cloak, to mask that underneath, i was also afraid. i was uncertain. i was a failure. because the truth was, i was also a 20-something year old woman that had no college degree, that didn't drive, that lived at home, had no social life, in debt, and utterly ashamed with no direction. i was torn between living a life that was for me, and my duty. but, if someone were to strip away all of my titles, my essence, my foundation- who was i? was this identity of choice, or was i playing a role in exchange for something? like many oldest daughters, particularly to an immigrant household, there is no bigger dilemma then the one just described.